Today's Lesson Is How to Puke

There are various puking methods.  When President Bush puked all over the Japanese Prime Minister, he set the standard for classy public puking that simply will go unmatched for decades...years, even.  But if you have to publicly puke, it is best to do it in a crowded room, a restaurant, perhaps, or a party where everyone knows you and will be sure to spread the word throughout the twitter network like wildfire.  If you can, puke on the host/hostess, or your friend's wife or husband.  Best, of course, is to puke on the head of the adorable little tyke who has been stealing the show and toddling around in the middle of the room to everyone's oohs and ahhs.


Most of us will try to make a run for the bathroom.  Experienced pukers will already have mapped its location and how to get there, and they will have made a preliminary visit to check it out.  When actually puking in the toilet (though you could puke in the sink or on the floor), be sure to crouch down.  Best is to kneel down, with your puke face right in the bowl, making sure that no puke particles actually splatter on you.  After all, you will want to return to the gaiety later on and greet friends, coworkers, and strangers with your puke breath.  If you are lucky, you will have popped several blood vessels in your face as you puke out your guts, leaving red splotches all over your puke face.


Puking is an art form, and one must practice it in order to become quite good.  Anyone can throw up, but it takes a real artist to puke.